The Very Secret Diaries of New Olympia
by Little Miss Illusional
Summary: Because every archive needs a variant of these! The VSD is a humorous, often more satirical than plot-consistent, light-hearted approach to Class of the Titans. I would apologise for out-of-character-ness, but that's the entire point. Reviews are joyful.
1. Cronus

A/N: This is written purely and utterly because this archive needs an installment of the Very Secret Diaries. Thank you to **Cassie Claire** for the original idea - she's a mastermind, I tell you. Complete genius.

Apologies if characters are out of character - but that's the point.

Enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>Cronus<span>**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

Bored. Utterly bored. Nothing happening anywhere – funny little midgets running around. Popped into the future, bought a TV and watched Gossip Girl all day. Great show. Not so bored now.

**Day Two**

Mummy's now bored. Have offered for her to watch Gossip Girl with me, but said no. Wants us kids to do something to cheer her up. Gave me a funny stick and told me to swing it at Daddy. Chopped off his bits – opps. Threw them in the sea so Mummy wouldn't realise. Think she noticed – four new siblings were born from Daddy's – uh – bits.

**Day Three**

Mummy's really not happy with me now. Thrown her and the rest of the family in Tarturus so I don't have to deal with their sulking. Daddy keeps talking v. high-pitched, giving me a headache.

In other news, am now king of the world!

**Day Four**

Watched all of season three of Gossip Girl, feeling v. sorry for Jenny.

**Day One Hundred and Twenty-Eight**

Rhea keeps talking about babies, getting v. annoying. Almost as bad as Daddy's new voice. I mean, why would she want screaming offspring running around everywhere?

Still, am king of the world!

**Day Three Hundred and Forty-Two**

Rhea has become a baby machine, now too many screaming offspring running around. Will have to do something about them…

**Day Four Hundred and Five**

Oh Hades, no! Mummy's said that screaming offspring will rise up against me. Must act quickly, as Gossip Girl comes on in an hour…

**Later…**

Decided to eat screaming offspring.

Like to see them try to take my crown now.

**Day Four Hundred and Seventy-Five**

Mistook a rock for a screaming offspring. Opps.

Think I'm going to be si-

**Day Four Hundred and Seventy-Six**

Rock tasted worse than Mummy's cooking. Also threw up offspring. The unswallowed one's a real git. Better keep an eye on him.

Rhea not talking to me. Was it something I said?

**Day Five Hundred and Eleven**

Knew that kid would be a pain. Gone and sprung everyone out of Tarturus. Who does he think he is? I'm the king around here!

**Day Five Hundred and Thirty-Two**

Oh, for the love of Hades, little git is throwing thunderbolts at me, right when Gossip Girl is on. Made the telly go all funny. Blasted kid. Should throw him in Tarturus to show him _I'm_ king.

**Day Five Hundred and Forty**

Little git took his brothers shopping. One of them got a nice helmet. Looks v. nice, might go and buy one myself. Have duties to uphold as the king – must be best dressed, always.

**Day Five Hundred and Fifty-Three**

Left for some shopping. Found a v. nice new toga and scythe. Rhea's a lucky Titan.

Got back and find that the idiot offspring have taken over. Great. I was the king! Not fair!

Other bad news; stuck in maximum security cell in Tarturus. No telly, and Gossip Girl is on tonight!

**Day Five Hundred and Fifty-Four**

Checked planetary cycles, am going to be stuck for another four thousand years. Can't take it, will be v. angry when I get out.

Do they know how many episodes of Gossip Girl I'm missing? VENGANCE, DESTRUCTION AND BLAIR'S GORGEOUS SHOES WILL BE MINE!


	2. Zeus

A/N: By request of **Tinian**, here's another installment of the VSD of New Olympia!

I will continue to update as the reviews come in. Stay tuned, and hit the review button!

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><p><strong><span>Zeus<span>**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

Didn't get eaten, yay!

**Day Two**

Why won't Daddy love me? Was it something I did?

**Day Thirty-Six**

Daddy won't play with me – too busy watching Gossip Girl. Awful show.

Have gone to Tarturus to get cousins and rest of family – much more interesting than Daddy.

**Day Fifty-Eight**

Yay, new toys! Lightning bolts are lots of fun!

**Day Sixty-Six**

Bored of lightning bolts – keep running out. Need to go shopping.

**Day Seventy-Four**

Shopping! Yay! Poseidon and Hades v. good brothers, bought them a trident and an invisibility helm. Hades looks v. manly – keeps winking at Persephone. Thinks he's pretty. Hasn't worked out the helm makes him invisible.

**Day Eighty-Six**

Daddy's gone out, time for a party!

Invited everyone, hope he won't be too upset.

He won't be?

Right?

**Day Eighty-Seven**

Daddy not impressed about the party. Has declared war.

Bit over the top, if you ask me.

**Day Eighty-Eight**

War not going good.

Funny little midgets turned up, took control. Cute little things, actually. Saw Hera eyeing one off. Will not work due to height differences.

Midgets know a thing or two about Daddy. Odd.

Leader midget obviously likes orange one.

**Day Eighty-Nine**

We won, now I'm the king!

Sending the midgets back to where they came from, and then I'll make sure Daddy never gets his hands on Gossip Girl ever again! In fact, I'll make sure the show is never created!

**Day Ninety**

I feel like I've forgotten something?

Hera's watching Gossip Girl, think I'll join her...


	3. Jay

A/N: There seems to have been a good reaction to these, so I'll update. Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers!

I've done gods so far... so let's hear from the inner most thoughts of one of the team, yes? Enjoy!

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><p><strong><span>Jay<span>**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

New Year's Eve planetary alignment – v. pretty. Have organised a big Greek celebration. Loads of fun.

Odd – last year felt longer, maybe by a second? Was I the only one that noticed?

**Day Two**

Sailing, yay!

Hey, who does this guy think he is, I'm trying to sail here! No giant gets between me and my boat!

Had to get rescued by some lunatic on a giant flying horse-chicken. V. embarrassing. Think I'll relocate so I don't have to answer awkward questions about my boat…

New Olympia sounds nice?

**Later…**

Rescued a fire hydrant along the way. Keeps talking – odd. Found giants also attacking another boy. Idiot was fighting back – and winning! Felt even more embarrassed about me encounter with the giants. Plucked the muscle-bag onto the giant flying horse-chicken – felt bad for giants.

Hope they don't follow us to New Olympia…

**Day Three**

Arrived in New Olympia. Nice place. Met some locals – turns out they're poncy Greek gods.

Want us to defeat some poncy evil Greek god they angered. Something about Gossip Girl – really bad TV show.

Turns out great-great-great-great-great grandfather was also some poncy Greek – a hero, though. Still, must work out who great-great-great-great-great grandmother was – he was a hit with poncy Greek ladies, apparently.

**Day Four**

Must have inherited great-great-great-great-great grandfather's charms, many more teenagers in New Olympia than yesterday.

None of them particularly interesting. Angry kid with purple hair, nerdy kid, and OH SWEET ZEUS WHO IS THAT?

**Day Five**

Theresa's quite nice.

Well, I say quite nice. I mean more than that. Obviously.

Should ask her out. Hope she can't read my mind…

**Day Seven**

Poncy evil Greek god showed up. Went on for a bit about how he used to be king… quite annoying, really. Kept talking about shoes…

**Day Eight**

Decided to show off for Theresa; defeated a monster, lit a boat on fire and destroyed half the dam.

Wonder if she likes me?

**Day Nine**

Theresa made me spent all day tracking down a boy. Tried not to be too miffed – only just met her. But she's got a whole string of suitors...

Boy turned out to be narcissistic prick. No idea what she sees in him. Have decided to hide his mirror.

**Day Ten**

Apparently destroying half New Olympia didn't impress Theresa. Sad.

Poncy evil god made the sky pretty. Theresa very much impressed. Had to shoot them down – causing earthquakes. Bad for narcissistic prick's complexion.

Git.

**Day Twenty**

I wonder if Theresa likes me yet?

**Day Thirty**

Damn poncy Greeks. Damn poncy Cronus.


	4. Neil

A/N: As usual, thank you for the warm reviews - keep them coming! I promise Theresa will be next, if I can get to 15 reviews.

For now, here's some quality Neil.

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><p><strong><span>Neil<span>**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

New Year's eve party, so tedious.

Everyone should be celebrating _me_! Not the start of a new year!

**Day Three**

Answering fan mail, so boring. _Dear Neil, you're so sexy! Dear Neil, you're the most gorgeous person in existence! Dear Neil, you're so attractive, you should rule the world!_

Well, yes, I already know that.

**Day Nine**

Modelling shoot today! But awful train yard so bad for my complexion – will need to have a serious bath to wash all the dirt from my pores.

**Later**

Better offer, left awful train place. Some agent called Cronus, bit of an odd guy. Thinks he's the king of the world…

I mean, there's only one king around here, and he rules the world of fashion! _ME_!

**Day Ten**

The agents are getting quite competitive over me. Whole group of them actually threw deluded-king off his building. Wasn't all that sad to see him go. Watches Gossip Girl like it's a religion.

He should be worshipping _me_!

New lodgings aren't all that great. Still, have a bathroom to myself. Indulged myself in a bath for the afternoon.

**Day Eleven**

Leader of new agents seems obsessed with Cronus. Have told him to play it up a bit – get Theresa jealous. Obviously likes her. Hope he realises she can read his mind…

**Day Twelve**

Okay, seriously – where's my mirror?

**Day Thirteen**

All these earthquakes are making my skin feel odd. Can't find mirror still – moped around all day. Will get Jay to fix it – told him it'd impress Theresa. Next thing you know, he's throwing it at me and looking around for the girl.

Moron.

**Day Fifteen**

Herry's been cleaning out the fridge again – Jay sent him home so Athena could catch a break. What about _me_? I'm putting up with sharing my gorgeous self with all these housemates and I'm not allowed to leave.

Have told Theresa that Jay never uses deodorant, especially after a gym session.

**Day Seventeen**

Urgh, tree mould in the park. And I smell like dog. Yuck.

**Later**

Well, I am a pretty attractive guy… now I'm attracting animals?

Woah, BIG ANIMALS!

Is Herry… talking to them?

**Day Eighteen**

Well, I always knew Herry was a bit odd…

I mean, no one should watch that much Gossip Girl.


	5. Herry

A/N: Oh lordy, how could I do this to Herry?

Very easily, actually.

I know I promised Theresa, but I had this one already written and ready to go... so enjoy. Thank you to all the wonderful reviews, by the way! It's so great to hear that you're enjoying this, because that's why I write Fanfiction.

While I'm here, I should also let you guys know - I've been keeping an eye on other archives, and several seem to be in dire need of an installment of the VSD. Keep your eyes peeled, as these are fun to write and I may just branch out into other fandoms.

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><p><strong><span>Herry<span>**

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><p><strong>Day One<strong>

Hungry.

**Day Two**

Starving.

Giants suddenly looking v. tasty.

Good thing giant flying horse-chicken turned up. Will ask Hermes if he needs them again. If not, dinnertime!

**Day Three**

Not enough food in New Olympia. Have started watching Gossip Girl to take my mind off things. Don't know why Athena's so angry. I mean, it's not my fault if the horse-chickens didn't fill me up.

**Day Four**

More people today – even more food needed. Cleaned out fridge for breakfast. Athena still not happy.

Jay seems v. impressed with Theresa – obviously likes her.

**Day Five**

Jay does realise she can read his mind, right?

**Day Six**

Found a rather nice guy on the Gossip Girl forums – clearly a fan like myself. Have agreed to meet up for lunch. Should be quite interesting. Wonder if he likes Blair's shoes as much as me…

**Later…**

Turns out I've been chatting to is called Cronus. Rethinking a second date – clearly a weird one. Thinks he's king of the world…

Have told him I want to see other people - we're a little too different. Not to mention that age gap...

**Day Seven**

Cronus not taking things well, took out his anger on the town. Released the Typhoid – bit dramatic, really.

**Day Eight**

Jay so buff, saving the town and all. Wonder if Theresa likes him now? I certainly do. Still a bit miffed about Cronus. Maybe if we talked things through we could have a second go?

**Day Nine**

Cronus obviously trying to make me jealous with Neil. Stupid pretty boy. V. good looking though…

I think I'll just give him the silent treatment.

**Day Ten**

Earthquakes have made TV go funny – missed a Gossip Girl episode.

Cronus must be stopped!

**Day Eleven**

Neil not happy, someone took his mirror. Spent whole day sulking in the bathroom. Not so pretty after all.

**Day Twelve**

Odie fixed the telly AND downloaded all of season four of Gossip Girl! Glasses and wild hair suddenly v. attractive.

Who's the one with a new boy-toy now, Cronus?


	6. Theresa

A/N: Apologies for the (lengthy) delay between chapters.

Thank you for wonderful reviews and such. You're all more amazing and wonderful and I wish I could bake you each a cake made of rainbows and happiness... but all I have in my cupboard is plain flour and rice crackers. So, apologies, no cakes (but cakes in spirit!).

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><p><span>Theresa<span>

**Day One**

Happy birthday to me!

Daddy got me a new car! Well… he hasn't yet… but I know he will… in approximately fifty-three seconds…

**Later**

Attacked by flying horse-chickens. Hey, that's my new car!

Wonder if I can sue for property damage? Can I take flying horse-chickens to court?

**Day Three**

New Olympia not so bad. People are friendly enough. Odie's going to make me a list of all the good law firms in town. Those flying horse-chickens better lawyer up!

Leader of new friends a bit weird. Obviously likes me.

He does know I can read his mind, right?

**Day Four**

Predicting an attack from Cronus tomorrow. Nobody believes me.

**Day Five**

Yep, see? Trust the psychic!

**Day Six**

Turns out Cronus owns flying-horse chickens. Wonder if I should sue him too…

**Day Eight**

Will not need to sue Cronus after all – entire world hating on him right now. General world destruction through hula-hoops of death will probably doesn't get on anybody's good side.

Jay's convinced this will be the end of the world. Kept going on that we should kiss seeing as though it was the end of the world. Bit dramatic, really. Won't happen anyway, think he's into Greek-wrestling, if you know what I mean.

**Day Eleven**

Dogs going wild. Jay blames Cronus.

**Day Twenty**

Atlanta's got a crush. Jay blames Cronus.

**Day Twenty-eight**

Odie's gone to the dark side. Jay blames Cronus.

**Day Thirty-seven**

Ancient artifact stolen. Jay blames Cronus.

**Day Forty-three**

I think Jay has a bit of a thing for Cronus.

**Day Fifty-one**

Yep, definitely gay.

**Day Fifty-three**

Have nothing better to do. Will spend the rest of the year watching Gossip Girl with Herry. I predict dark times ahead, very dark times indeed…


	7. Athena

A/N: It's been a while since I last updated this. Time for a new chapter? I think so.

Thank you for the overwhelmingly great response to this, keep the reviews coming.

Enjoy a glimpse into the Very Secret Diary of... Athena!

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><p><span>Athena<span>

**Day One**

Getting tired of Hera's cooking. Told her to get with the times and watch a few episodes of Masterchef. Wasn't too enthusiastic, so bought her Jamie Oliver's new TV show instead.

Hera likes Jamie Oliver very much. Zeus is not happy, has made it rain and storm continuously in said mortal's homeland.

**Day Two**

Hera spending too much time watching Jamie Oliver, and not enough learning to cook. Had a fight, decided to move out. I'm a big girl, need my own space.

**Day Three**

Urgh, rent in the city so pricey! Should think about getting some flatmates, share the rent and whatnot.

On the plus side, now cooking for myself! I am a strong, independent goddess who don't need no Queen of the Gods.

**Day Four**

Hera is such a worry-wart. Got me three housemates. The mortals seem nice enough – brawny one clearly is a kindred soul. Loves my cooking. Have agreed to watch Gossip Girl with him.

**Day Five**

More mortals. Rent is suddenly much cheaper than expected. Have bought more Jaime Oliver merchandise with all leftover money. Starting to see why Hera is so infatuated.

New housemates seem alright. Jay obviously likes Theresa. Wonder if he knows she can read his mind?

**Day Six**

Another housemate! Bit of an odd one, demands to be worshipped by everyone. Hera rather annoyed – trying to start up a Cult of Oliver, doesn't want to start one for Neil, too.

**Day Eight**

Theresa said I'm the best housekeeper she's had. I'm not the housekeeper! Silly rich girl.

**Day Twelve**

Neil doesn't like my cooking. Says it isn't good for his pores.

**Day Thirteen**

Git.

**Day Fifteen**

Housemates don't spend much time in the house. Starting to go mildly insane with loneliness.

Cult of Oliver had its first meeting today. Was just me and Hera, but she reckons it'll catch on. If Dionysus can have a popular cult, why can't Jamie?

Meetings have been postponed until we get more members. Very lonely.

**Day Sixteen**

Theresa offered to buy me a cat, for company.

May have to take her up on that.

**Day Twenty**

Bored. Daytime TV so tedious. Finished all the Gossip Girl episodes.

Have resorted to sneaking into Neil's room and rearranging all his products.

**Day Twenty-Five**

I am not panicking, living with all these mortals is fine. I am not crazy, this is fine, I will survive...

**Day Twenty-Six**

OH ZEUS NO. WHO LEFT THE SMELLY SOCKS IN THE DOORWAY?!

**Day Thirty**

Had to let Archie out of the basement. Jay not happy.

That's the last time he leaves washing around, that's all I'm saying. I am not their housekeeper!

**Day Thirty-two**

Atlanta taught me how to use the washing machine. Separating darks from lights beats messing around in Neil's room.

I am NOT the housekeeper.

**Day Thirty-three**

Agreed to cook breakfast for the twenty-ninth day in a row.

I am still NOT the housekeeper!

**Day Thirty-six**

… who am I kidding?

I am the housekeeper.


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